Back home in the same town as my ex…

Due to Covid-19 I had to return home to Germany which is in the same town that my ex calls home too. We went to school together and then stayed together in a long-distance relationship throughout our studies. Him in Austria, me in the UK. 

When I returned home in March I knew he was at home too, living the quarantine-life only 2 km away from me. I know that 2 months after we broke up he introduced another girl to his family and took her to the festival in our hometown where we started dating 5 years ago. I have been single for almost a year and I still think of him. Sometimes. The days of crying and self-pitying are over. I realised the world is big, that there are so many people to meet and to learn from and there are so many adventures waiting for me. Even now in my remote but safe quarantine-life at home, I’ve got to that point that thinking or dreaming about him doesn’t drive me crazy or make me sad anymore. I doubt that he thinks of me as much as I do of him, but I don’t care anymore. What we had has taught me so much and now I can look back and appreciate the time we spent together. 

This place, my home, is so associated with him. I cannot believe how much. But that’s ok. That’s normal. That’s undeniable even if I were to bring my next boyfriend here. He has shaped my teenager years more than anyone else. Am I sad? No not anymore! Do I miss him? I don’t know, maybe, but actually more the idea of being with someone. Do I feel lonely sometimes? Yes, but less and less. Do I want to be with someone else? I don’t know - first I want to have an amazing relationship with myself before meeting someone new! 

To everyone being insecure or doubting their independence..... wait for it, don’t fall back into old patterns. There is so much more love awaiting you after this whole god-damn crisis!!